This Is Me

 

There are a multitude of places God has weaved into my fabric that make me come alive. Through those vibrant places passion boils and emotions spill over. Storytelling incapsulates my creativeness, my introvertedness, and my longing to live life on purpose. My eyes have been exploring and my heart yearning for the raw and exposedness photojournalism feeds me. After several years I dismissed my portrait work in deep pursuit of images that touched my soul. While navigating through the muck my mind created I stumbled upon freedom. I had uncovered how rich and powerful storytelling had become to me. How one still shot could evoke such emotional attachment. That is where I had found my place. I found what gave me life, storytelling made me come alive in a way that nothing before it had.

Words are piercing. They shape your inner and sometimes outer parts. They form your present and influence your future self. I was not affirmed by those I loved during critical years of my life. I have struggled with paralyzing setbacks despite my tenacity. I yearned for success to accumulate meaningful words to build up my worth. When I launched my photography business my client list exploded. I gained accolades for my work. All I had ever wanted I thought to cultivate happiness. Inside of me was a dank lifeless shell. I took on more clients in a vain pursuit of more affirmation. I became so shriveled that illness took over. Panic attacks had me canceling sessions and bringing on great dread at the thought of “work.” I was moving all the pieces just the way I thought was necessary. Still I was empty creatively. I knew that God had given me the talent and gift to create. At that time I was unsure where God would lead me. I started shooting for myself and capturing unplanned moments. The creativity oozed out of me and life returned. A new kind of client list began to emerge. The busyness became managable, I was liberated. I wanted success, but what I truly needed was less. This blog came about as a labor of love. To leave a meaningful legacy, to come alive with more photojournalism, affirming for our kids their abundant life, and to serve others with our words. Words are a lasting imprint and do sharply pierce. I pray that our words shape betterness in us all.

A glimpse into the past revels just how big our God is. How much His ways will never be ours. There is much reward in looking to the past moments and even seasons. I know now that I am stronger than I ever was. Because I realized what was sucking life and what was giving it. Throughout my adult years my drive never was wealth it was completely focused on service to others. To give what I didn’t receive. My husband and I looked back on our year to evaluate what worked well and what caused pain or discontentment. The idea for this blog was completely random and truly never on our list of dreams. It seemed to be placed so delicately on our hands and hearts. It became very clear that it would allow for both of us to finally pursue what God intended for our creative gifts. Exposing our life sets us up to be in a very vulnerable place. By exposing we share beauty, life, and perseverance. YES! That is how I was made to serve. We realized by narrowing our focus and desiring less we gained so much abundance, freedom, and peace with the gifts we were uniquely given. God’s plan has always been more than enough.

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